Please Be Pregnant

Please be pregnant.  Please be pregnant.  Please be pregnant.

Those three little words have been chanting in my head over and over a little more intensely each day.  I have had no 'real' symptoms that I know of since our FET 11 days ago.  And we will not test until our test day - which is tomorrow, 04/11.

I dread tomorrow.  I can't wait for tomorrow.  I dread tomorrow.  I'm excited for tomorrow. 

I've been wobbling back and forth, but mostly have just been sick to my stomach about tomorrow (not in a pregnant-sick way, but in an anxious-and-I-hate-this kind of way.

Our clinic asked that we come in from out of town to pee in a cup and do the blood test rather than do it locally like we did with our fresh cycle.  They didn't say we should "pre-test" before hand like we did before.  So, do we make the 1.5 hour drive and go in blindly?  Then, if it's positive -yeah surprise!  But if it is negative - total meltdown by me - in public.  But at least we could have a "next steps" conversation at the clinic - maybe talk to the doctor.... On the other hand, if we pre-test at home in the morning, we would pretty much know, right?  If it's positive - we'll make the trip to get the blood test - all happy.  But, if it's negative, screw the trip - who cares right? And then meltdown in the privacy of my own home...Argh!  And people wonder why infertility sucks so much.

No matter what, we're waiting until tomorrow morning to find out.  An early test would probably just ruin our evening.  So we're going to have a "last supper" that we can enjoy tonight.  Probably pizza delivery!  Then a restless night (at least on my part) before tomorrow finally comes.  Argh again!

Please be pregnant.