The doctor had called me the Thursday night of the unfulfilled transfer date to say she hadn't forgotten about us and that she was going to meet with the embryologist to go over my case. She asked me how I was doing. I responded that "it is what it is". She said, "oh, honey" - like we are so close. I hung up with her and I broke down crying. Four days later, after the initial hurt has waned a bit, I finally received the follow up call from the doctor. Not the quick turn around I might expect, but at this point, I'm no longer surprised.
She called me at work at the end of a very long Monday. She mentioned that her car was warming up in the parking lot due to the nasty winter weather today. Weather chit chat ensured. Then, the long story short: I was given too few drugs (M2) for IVF #1 and given too many drugs (M4) for IVF #2. Recommendation with IVF #3 is a happy medium (M3).
Apparently, I am not one of those women who respond perfectly to any combo and timing of drugs that are thrown at my ovaries. I have sensitive, finicky, picky ovaries. Lucky me. I have to have the perfect cocktail to illicit the ovarian response needed to make nice embryos. I asked her if it was an "egg quality" issue that had more to do with the natural state of my eggs than the drugs. She said no. The quality of eggs that we got were directly related to the dosage of drugs. With IVF #1, we went too long with the drugs and the eggs were exhausted. But the embryos ended up progressing better and were of better quality than IVF #2, which were too 'slammed' with the M4 and the response was "lopsided".
I asked if we would consider changing up the Femara/Menopur combination to something else. She said no. She thinks that another type of FSH would stimulate my ovaries too much and the bigger problem would be the whole new learning curve of another protocol. We have to get the exact right dose. IVF is so individual and differs so much from person to person. It is "not an exact science" and involves "guessing", "artistry", and "wiggle room". All her words. Not mine.
I also asked if the clinic really doesn't look at the embryos on Day 4. She said that was true. There are "delicate changes" that occur between Day 3 and Day 5. It is better to leave them in the incubator undisturbed with as little extra environmental exposure as possible. This is why they couldn't let us know about the cancelled transfer until pretty much right before the transfer. Also, I know that her theory on Day 3 transfers is that if the embryo wouldn't make it to Day 5, it wouldn't end up in a BFP even if we transferred on Day 3. So I didn't bother asking again.
So, here we are. Here are my thoughts:
1.) Financially, we need to wait for all of these current IVF charges to go through insurance, etc. to see if we could possibly afford another round of IVF this year or if we should wait until next year, which we both really don't want to do. It is only January!
2.) We are taking a trip to Lake Tahoe and Reno in early March, so we probably won't do anything until after that trip. (We definitely need a vacation now). Also, I am so sick of winter driving. So waiting until spring/summer is here is obvious.
3.) We may consider a 2nd opinion. This would be to mostly to see if RE #1 is full of crap or if she is on the right page now that she's been able to play around with my dosages (and fail) two times. We don't know if we would make a permanent switch or not. Even with all of the customer service issues, moving to a new RE would be like starting all over. The new RE would have to "get to know" me and my cycles. What if it takes two IVF cycles for them to figure me out, too? The new RE's office is still an hour and a half drive away (in the opposite direction), so I wouldn't save much driving time in any case.
We have some decisions to make. But not this second.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Me? A blog award?
A big thank you to amiracle4us for my very first blog award!
I started blogging not even a year ago and this infertility thing has been plaguing us for going on 5 years with no BFP in sight. I have found that the stories of other women in this forum give me hope, inspiration, and strength. I realize that I am not alone in this. I can only hope that my lil' ol' blog posts can do half as much for others as what it does for me.
Okay, here is how this thing works:
1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Aware 15 recently discovered bloggers that are deserving
4. Contact those bloggers and let them know about the award
My 7 things (this is harder than I thought it would be):
1.) I do not like scary movies, but rather movies that include musicals, cartoons, or generally any that can make me laugh out loud or cry. And really it's not that hard to make me cry.
2.) I love to read. My husband sold his prize possession (a 10 yr old stereo system) on Craiglist so that he could buy me a Nook for Christmas without me knowing about it since I handle the checkbook.
3.) As disgusting as it may be, and I realize that it is, I like to tweeze the hairs from my husband's back. It's therapeutic and he seems to like it.
4.) At one point during my sophomore year of college, I struggled to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and I applied to a tech school to be an ultrasound technician. There was an interview process and they only accepted 7 applicants per year. Fortunately, I ended up #8. The training may have come in handy now though.
5.) At 5' 10", I'm taller than the average man which is 5' 9".
6.) I've worked for 5 different companies in my life: Shopko, Chili's Bar & Grill, (a logistics company that no longer exists), Kohl's, and my current company which is an insurance company.
7.) I watch Days of Our Lives. Religiously. Not because it's particularly good, but out of habit. I. need. to. stop.
I hereby bequeath the following bloggers the 'I heart This Blog' award:
A little blog about the big Infertility
DO I HAVE TO BE A DINK?
Spermination Station
Tales from the Rat Race
Three is a Magic Number
Going For It
A Little Hope
Are We There Yet?
believing in june
Fearlessly Infertile
Lauren vs. The World
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Our Reality
Reality sucks. Specifically, Our reality sucks.
We had called the clinic prior to leaving the house and left a message. We wanted to prevent the drive if we had to, halfway hoping we would still get to go. Almost 2 hours later and 10 miles away from the clinic, our doctor called the cell phone. That can't be good. It was the first time I've actually spoken to her since our July IVF failure,and it was basically the same conversation. No transfer today. It is the same deal as last time. Our two embryos 'arrested' on Day 3 and hadn't grown since.
I asked, 'Why?'
The doctor still has to go to lab, do some research, and talk to the embryologist to find out more information for us. She'll call us later. But, she was sorry. It was maybe a 60 second conversation.
We took the next exit and turned around for home. We stopped at the next exit so I could go to the restroom (yes, I had a full bladder). I also got a coffee - why not? We didn't listen to the radio for maybe 30 miles. We don't know what to do or to say. What's next? Why is preganancy so hard to accomplish? We considered getting a 3rd dog and becoming a 'dog family'. We considered going to the hospital nursery to kidnap a baby - (hey, it worked for the lady in the news for 23 years!). We're considering a second opinion and a different clinic. We just don't know. This is our reality.
We had called the clinic prior to leaving the house and left a message. We wanted to prevent the drive if we had to, halfway hoping we would still get to go. Almost 2 hours later and 10 miles away from the clinic, our doctor called the cell phone. That can't be good. It was the first time I've actually spoken to her since our July IVF failure,and it was basically the same conversation. No transfer today. It is the same deal as last time. Our two embryos 'arrested' on Day 3 and hadn't grown since.
I asked, 'Why?'
The doctor still has to go to lab, do some research, and talk to the embryologist to find out more information for us. She'll call us later. But, she was sorry. It was maybe a 60 second conversation.
We took the next exit and turned around for home. We stopped at the next exit so I could go to the restroom (yes, I had a full bladder). I also got a coffee - why not? We didn't listen to the radio for maybe 30 miles. We don't know what to do or to say. What's next? Why is preganancy so hard to accomplish? We considered getting a 3rd dog and becoming a 'dog family'. We considered going to the hospital nursery to kidnap a baby - (hey, it worked for the lady in the news for 23 years!). We're considering a second opinion and a different clinic. We just don't know. This is our reality.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Communication
It would be great if my clinic would communicate a little better than they do. I don't know if all RE offices are this way since I don't have any experience outside of this one, but is it too much to ask for a daily update? I mean they are holding our future children hostage right now. Is it too much to ask that they let us know if we aren't doing the transfer prior to making the 2 hour drive to the clinic? It can't be that complicated.
Yesterday, Day 2 post-retrieval, I waited all day for a phone call. By 2:00, I hadn't heard anything so I called and left a message with the nurse's station. Sheryl called back about 3:30. The lab was 'closed' so she couldn't get an exact update on our embryos, but 'no news was good news'. That, however, doesn't really hold true for me anymore since last time. Driving all the way to the clinic with a full bladder after 2 days of 'no news is good news', fully expecting a transfer, just to get slapped in the face that the embryos quit growing after Day 3. No news is good news? Yeah, right. So, I asked Sheryl to talk to the lab and call with a more precise update today, Day 3.
We set up the transfer appointment for 10:15 am on Thursday (Day 5). I told Sheryl that we didn't want to make the drive for the transfer if there wasn't going to be anything to transfer. Her response made it seem like it was more complicated than that - we still would need to come into the clinic regardless. Couldn't I call before making the drive (since it's later in the morning) to see? Or can they not look at the embryos or disturb the embryos until I get there? She talked about when I would start estrace next week and about taking my blood test on February 4th, but I really can't think about that stuff right now. It might not happen. I can't be too hopeful. We just need to get to Thursday all intact, all alive.
DH was less than thrilled with the response from the clinic on Monday, so he took it upon himself to call the clinic this morning. Sheryl had an update for him , if not an unscientific one. (She actually picked up the phone - I always seem to be leaving messages). Both embryos are still 'viable'. One embryo is growing more than the other and seems to be doing 'better' than the other. That's it, really. Maybe that's why they don't give updates - they are actually pretty worthless anyway. No news is good news.
Today is/was Day 3 post-retrieval. Many clinics would do a transfer on Day 3. Not mine. On Monday, I asked Sheryl what the pros and cons of a day 3 vs. day 5 transfer would be. (Maybe this should be a question to the doctor, but again, communication from the docs is worse than with the nurse). I got the same story about doing the transfer just to wait to get a negative pregnancy test. Whereas waiting till Day 5 and the blast stage may prevent the waiting if it was going to be a BFN anyway. The liklihood of pregnancy is greater because if the embryos can make it the blast stage they have a better chance at surviving in the womb (or so I'm told). I don't know which is worse - the waiting to see if these embryos will live to see Day 5 or doing the transfer on Day 3 anyway and waiting for a BFN. Probably waiting for the BFN is worse, but right now, I just want those embryos in me. It's driving us absolutely batty.
So, tomorrow I'm having DH call the clinic again for an update. Then we're gonna call for a final update before we make the drive on Thursday (whether or not they'll tell us anything). It's just one LONG day at a time.
Yesterday, Day 2 post-retrieval, I waited all day for a phone call. By 2:00, I hadn't heard anything so I called and left a message with the nurse's station. Sheryl called back about 3:30. The lab was 'closed' so she couldn't get an exact update on our embryos, but 'no news was good news'. That, however, doesn't really hold true for me anymore since last time. Driving all the way to the clinic with a full bladder after 2 days of 'no news is good news', fully expecting a transfer, just to get slapped in the face that the embryos quit growing after Day 3. No news is good news? Yeah, right. So, I asked Sheryl to talk to the lab and call with a more precise update today, Day 3.
We set up the transfer appointment for 10:15 am on Thursday (Day 5). I told Sheryl that we didn't want to make the drive for the transfer if there wasn't going to be anything to transfer. Her response made it seem like it was more complicated than that - we still would need to come into the clinic regardless. Couldn't I call before making the drive (since it's later in the morning) to see? Or can they not look at the embryos or disturb the embryos until I get there? She talked about when I would start estrace next week and about taking my blood test on February 4th, but I really can't think about that stuff right now. It might not happen. I can't be too hopeful. We just need to get to Thursday all intact, all alive.
DH was less than thrilled with the response from the clinic on Monday, so he took it upon himself to call the clinic this morning. Sheryl had an update for him , if not an unscientific one. (She actually picked up the phone - I always seem to be leaving messages). Both embryos are still 'viable'. One embryo is growing more than the other and seems to be doing 'better' than the other. That's it, really. Maybe that's why they don't give updates - they are actually pretty worthless anyway. No news is good news.
Today is/was Day 3 post-retrieval. Many clinics would do a transfer on Day 3. Not mine. On Monday, I asked Sheryl what the pros and cons of a day 3 vs. day 5 transfer would be. (Maybe this should be a question to the doctor, but again, communication from the docs is worse than with the nurse). I got the same story about doing the transfer just to wait to get a negative pregnancy test. Whereas waiting till Day 5 and the blast stage may prevent the waiting if it was going to be a BFN anyway. The liklihood of pregnancy is greater because if the embryos can make it the blast stage they have a better chance at surviving in the womb (or so I'm told). I don't know which is worse - the waiting to see if these embryos will live to see Day 5 or doing the transfer on Day 3 anyway and waiting for a BFN. Probably waiting for the BFN is worse, but right now, I just want those embryos in me. It's driving us absolutely batty.
So, tomorrow I'm having DH call the clinic again for an update. Then we're gonna call for a final update before we make the drive on Thursday (whether or not they'll tell us anything). It's just one LONG day at a time.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Two (again)
I got the call from the doctor that did my retrieval. Out of the 6 that were retrieved, 4 were mature enough to do ICSI. Out of the 4, two have fertilized. Two, again. I'm having an incredible case of de ja vu. The doctor was encouraging that the "egg and sperm looked really good together" and it seems better than last time. It's too early to rate the quality of the embryos. I'll talk to Sheryl tomorrow to set up our appointment for Day 5 transfer on Thursday. I'm going to ask that I get a call every day to see how these little guys are doing. I've also promised myself that we are NOT going to drive all the way to the clinic to just end up not doing the transfer. It was too hard last time. But hopefully we won't have to worry about that. All we can do is wait.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Retrieval
Our egg retrieval was today. Same as last time. We woke up early and drove in the dark. I fell asleep in the waiting room before they called me back. I talked to the doctor briefly. She noted that there are less eggs to retrieve this time, but hopefully better quality. I was on the table at 8:00a.m. and went into a blissful sleep. I just wanted it to be done. We both did.
I came out of the anesthesia. I do love the warm blankets they give you. I'm going to start putting my blankets in the dryer for 15 minutes every time I want to curl up with one. It's great! But anyway, the doc talked to the hubby and we were back on the road by 9:30 with orders to pick up some gatorade on the ride home. I requested a blue one.
Here is the simplified version of the results: 6 eggs were retreived. This is half of what we got last time (12). Of the 6, the doctor said that 4 of them looked 'really good'. What that means, I don't know. DH asked, but of course, they can't exactly say until they call us tomorrow with the fertilization report.
So, now, I'm home, relaxing and watching movies, hanging out with the dogs. DH is napping. I think I've napped enough today - the waiting room, the table, the ride home, and a mini-nap on the couch. Just waiting around the whole weekend. It's in God's hands now (and the doctors).
I came out of the anesthesia. I do love the warm blankets they give you. I'm going to start putting my blankets in the dryer for 15 minutes every time I want to curl up with one. It's great! But anyway, the doc talked to the hubby and we were back on the road by 9:30 with orders to pick up some gatorade on the ride home. I requested a blue one.
Here is the simplified version of the results: 6 eggs were retreived. This is half of what we got last time (12). Of the 6, the doctor said that 4 of them looked 'really good'. What that means, I don't know. DH asked, but of course, they can't exactly say until they call us tomorrow with the fertilization report.
So, now, I'm home, relaxing and watching movies, hanging out with the dogs. DH is napping. I think I've napped enough today - the waiting room, the table, the ride home, and a mini-nap on the couch. Just waiting around the whole weekend. It's in God's hands now (and the doctors).
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
A Much Better Day
My roadtrip today was SO much better than Monday! The sun was actually shining (after I witnessed the sunrise) and I could drive my 80mph. I missed that. I'm going to take it as a good sign for things to come.
I walked into the clinic 15 minutes early, checked in (at which point I saw my doctor from across the room who was in scrubs - at least I know she does work - even though I still didn't talk to her today), and then used the restroom. As soon as I came out, the nurse was waiting to take me back. I didn't even put my butt down in the waiting room chairs! They took my blood and then I was off to the ultrasound room. Sheryl took the pictures of my follicles. We're doing ok. She asked how many I wanted to have. I'm not sure why she asked, like I have any choice in the matter, but I responded that I want whatever it takes to get two healthy embryos to day 5 blast. I'm not asking a lot at this point. I'm trying to accept anything I can get. I still have the same amount of measurable follicles on the left and right sides, but I was expecting them to be mongo-sized since I've been taking 4 vials of Menopur everyday. Sheryl said that Ganirelix can offset some of the potency of Menopur in some people. On the right side, I had 1-18mm, 3-15mm, 3 between 12.5 and 13.5mm, 1-6mm, and 1-5 mm. On the left, I have 1-15, 1-11, 1-10, 1-8, and 1-5mm. The goal is to get them to at least 15mm, with 18mm being better. My lining was 13.7 which has doubled since Monday. As it usually is during this process - my lining was "amazing"!
After reviewing the numbers (with a quick review and shout out from the male RE I've never met), Sheryl thought I would be set for retrieval either Friday or Saturday. They would call to confirm after my labs came back. So, as I was leaving, I stopped to talk to the billing manager. And guess what?! After 6 months of insurance hassles and confusion, we went over all the numbers and we finally got the billing figured out from my July IVF! Finally. I'm only $130 away from paying off the first cycle. Just in time for IVF #2!
Sheryl called this afternoon. I have one more day of meds since my progesterone was low (which is good) and it will give me one more day of growth. 1 Ganirelix and 4 Menopur tonight. I will trigger Thursday night at 10pm. Friday, I will have a blissful day of no shots. Then, this Saturday is the egg retrieval at 7:30a.m.
It was a good day.
I walked into the clinic 15 minutes early, checked in (at which point I saw my doctor from across the room who was in scrubs - at least I know she does work - even though I still didn't talk to her today), and then used the restroom. As soon as I came out, the nurse was waiting to take me back. I didn't even put my butt down in the waiting room chairs! They took my blood and then I was off to the ultrasound room. Sheryl took the pictures of my follicles. We're doing ok. She asked how many I wanted to have. I'm not sure why she asked, like I have any choice in the matter, but I responded that I want whatever it takes to get two healthy embryos to day 5 blast. I'm not asking a lot at this point. I'm trying to accept anything I can get. I still have the same amount of measurable follicles on the left and right sides, but I was expecting them to be mongo-sized since I've been taking 4 vials of Menopur everyday. Sheryl said that Ganirelix can offset some of the potency of Menopur in some people. On the right side, I had 1-18mm, 3-15mm, 3 between 12.5 and 13.5mm, 1-6mm, and 1-5 mm. On the left, I have 1-15, 1-11, 1-10, 1-8, and 1-5mm. The goal is to get them to at least 15mm, with 18mm being better. My lining was 13.7 which has doubled since Monday. As it usually is during this process - my lining was "amazing"!
After reviewing the numbers (with a quick review and shout out from the male RE I've never met), Sheryl thought I would be set for retrieval either Friday or Saturday. They would call to confirm after my labs came back. So, as I was leaving, I stopped to talk to the billing manager. And guess what?! After 6 months of insurance hassles and confusion, we went over all the numbers and we finally got the billing figured out from my July IVF! Finally. I'm only $130 away from paying off the first cycle. Just in time for IVF #2!
Sheryl called this afternoon. I have one more day of meds since my progesterone was low (which is good) and it will give me one more day of growth. 1 Ganirelix and 4 Menopur tonight. I will trigger Thursday night at 10pm. Friday, I will have a blissful day of no shots. Then, this Saturday is the egg retrieval at 7:30a.m.
It was a good day.
Monday, January 17, 2011
I Knew There Was a Reason that I Don't Like Mondays
I prepared all weekend for my 4 hour round trip to my 3rd IVF ultrasound appointment scheduled for 7:30 a.m. on Monday morning. I watched the weather like a hawk. I watched the automated radar forecasts hour-by-hour to determine if there would be snow, freezing rain, or sleet during my drive (which there would be all of the above). I filled up the gas tank the night before, and out of the kindness of my heart for my dear husband, I parked in the driveway so that his car would be nice and warm in the garage. I have a remote starter, so I would just start the car in plenty of time before leaving the house. I took a shower before going to bed to save time in the morning. I set the alarm for 4:45 a.m., and I went to bed at 9:30 p.m.
After snoozing twice, I got out of bed at 5 a.m. I was almost ready to go by 5:20 and I remote started the car. I kissed the husband and dogs goodbye. I got my water bottle, purse, and my paperwork that I always carry with me and left the house. I unlocked the car and threw my stuff inside. It had been freezing rain during the night so there was a good 1/8 inch of thick ice on the entire surface of my car. The window defrost would take forever, so I pulled the ice scraper out and proceeded to use a lot of muscle into getting all the ice off. It took a good 10 minutes. I'm thinking at this point that I should have parked in the garage.
As I finished up the ice scraping, sweating from the effort, I went to get into the car to leave. Locked. The door was locked. I tried the passenger side, the back doors, and even the hatch. All very locked. The remote start process apparently includes automatic locking after a certain point. OMG. I couldn't believe it. Most people wouldn't panic at this point. But what you don't know is that 1.) I don't have a spare set of keys. The key is electronic/computerized to the vehicle. Our used car didn't come with a spare set, and I didn't want to pay the $250 that the dealership wanted to make another set. So, no spare key. 2.) I'm parked directly behind my husbands car in the garage. Even if I wanted to take his car and let him deal with my mess, I couldn't.
So, I freak out. It is 5:45, I'm already running late and it's crappy weather. And now I have successfully locked my keys in the car - with it running and without a spare key. I can hear the Eminem CD that my husband left on bumping from the interior. Like he can do anything about it, I run to the bedroom and wake up my sleeping husband. I then grab the phone book and start dialing any and all locksmiths (of course, my cell phone is in the car with my purse). None will answer - even the 24 hour emergency service. Many curse words are spewing out of my mouth and I'm on the verge of tears. I'm ready to break a car window. I even call a car rental place to see if I can arrange a pick up (no such luck - they can't do that until they open at 7:30 a.m.). I keep calling locksmiths until someone groggily answers their phone.
After a brief discussion - yes, I would have paid anything they wanted - the guy agreed to get to the house as soon as he could considering the roads. While I was waiting, I called the clinic's answering service to let them know I would be an hour late (I was being optimistic at this point). Surprisingly, the guy was pretty quick, getting to the house at about 6:15. It took him all of 2 minutes to unlock the car door with a very unsophisticated tool. Of course, the guy wouldn't take a check or credit card. Cash only. I ran inside to ask DH if he had cash. Nope, but he made sure to tell me that it wasn't a race - to take my time and drive carefully. So, the locksmith followed me to the ATM where I proceeded to shell out $75. And at 6:30 a.m., an hour after I should have been on the road, I turned onto the interstate to begin my journey.
The rest of the trip to the clinic was luckily uneventful. The roads weren't great and it was slow going getting there, but I got there in one piece almost exactly 1 hour late, at 8:30 a.m. Sheryl, my nurse, said I shouldn't have freaked out. It was no problem that I was late and that they would work me in even though it's a holiday and the staff is limited. She would have waited for me. No labs today. Just ultrasound. I was back on the road by 9:00 a.m. and at my desk at work by 11:00 a.m. I really don't like Mondays.
As for my follicles, we're looking pretty good. Sheryl measured 6 on the left and 8 on the right. They are measuring between 6mm and 15mm. She did mention that my left ovary would be difficult to get to during retrieval because it's underneath my uterus. At least I think that is what she said. But, no worries, they can probably move my insides around to get to it during retrieval. I don't care, I'll be passed out. And luckily, more of the follicles are in the easy-to-access right ovary. After speaking with the doc by cell phone (nope- still haven't seen the doc in person this year), Sheryl determined that I would continue with M4 on Monday and Tuesday. Also, to prevent me from ovulating too early, I need to take a shot of Ganirelix each night. I ordered another day worth of meds. My next appointment is on Wednesday, January 19th at 9:30 a.m. Gratefully, later in the morning. We'll see where we are at that point. Maybe Wednesday will be better - I'm definitely parking in the garage.
P.S. - The kicker is that DH didn't feel well today so he called in sick to work. He didn't even need the garage!
After snoozing twice, I got out of bed at 5 a.m. I was almost ready to go by 5:20 and I remote started the car. I kissed the husband and dogs goodbye. I got my water bottle, purse, and my paperwork that I always carry with me and left the house. I unlocked the car and threw my stuff inside. It had been freezing rain during the night so there was a good 1/8 inch of thick ice on the entire surface of my car. The window defrost would take forever, so I pulled the ice scraper out and proceeded to use a lot of muscle into getting all the ice off. It took a good 10 minutes. I'm thinking at this point that I should have parked in the garage.
As I finished up the ice scraping, sweating from the effort, I went to get into the car to leave. Locked. The door was locked. I tried the passenger side, the back doors, and even the hatch. All very locked. The remote start process apparently includes automatic locking after a certain point. OMG. I couldn't believe it. Most people wouldn't panic at this point. But what you don't know is that 1.) I don't have a spare set of keys. The key is electronic/computerized to the vehicle. Our used car didn't come with a spare set, and I didn't want to pay the $250 that the dealership wanted to make another set. So, no spare key. 2.) I'm parked directly behind my husbands car in the garage. Even if I wanted to take his car and let him deal with my mess, I couldn't.
So, I freak out. It is 5:45, I'm already running late and it's crappy weather. And now I have successfully locked my keys in the car - with it running and without a spare key. I can hear the Eminem CD that my husband left on bumping from the interior. Like he can do anything about it, I run to the bedroom and wake up my sleeping husband. I then grab the phone book and start dialing any and all locksmiths (of course, my cell phone is in the car with my purse). None will answer - even the 24 hour emergency service. Many curse words are spewing out of my mouth and I'm on the verge of tears. I'm ready to break a car window. I even call a car rental place to see if I can arrange a pick up (no such luck - they can't do that until they open at 7:30 a.m.). I keep calling locksmiths until someone groggily answers their phone.
After a brief discussion - yes, I would have paid anything they wanted - the guy agreed to get to the house as soon as he could considering the roads. While I was waiting, I called the clinic's answering service to let them know I would be an hour late (I was being optimistic at this point). Surprisingly, the guy was pretty quick, getting to the house at about 6:15. It took him all of 2 minutes to unlock the car door with a very unsophisticated tool. Of course, the guy wouldn't take a check or credit card. Cash only. I ran inside to ask DH if he had cash. Nope, but he made sure to tell me that it wasn't a race - to take my time and drive carefully. So, the locksmith followed me to the ATM where I proceeded to shell out $75. And at 6:30 a.m., an hour after I should have been on the road, I turned onto the interstate to begin my journey.
The rest of the trip to the clinic was luckily uneventful. The roads weren't great and it was slow going getting there, but I got there in one piece almost exactly 1 hour late, at 8:30 a.m. Sheryl, my nurse, said I shouldn't have freaked out. It was no problem that I was late and that they would work me in even though it's a holiday and the staff is limited. She would have waited for me. No labs today. Just ultrasound. I was back on the road by 9:00 a.m. and at my desk at work by 11:00 a.m. I really don't like Mondays.
As for my follicles, we're looking pretty good. Sheryl measured 6 on the left and 8 on the right. They are measuring between 6mm and 15mm. She did mention that my left ovary would be difficult to get to during retrieval because it's underneath my uterus. At least I think that is what she said. But, no worries, they can probably move my insides around to get to it during retrieval. I don't care, I'll be passed out. And luckily, more of the follicles are in the easy-to-access right ovary. After speaking with the doc by cell phone (nope- still haven't seen the doc in person this year), Sheryl determined that I would continue with M4 on Monday and Tuesday. Also, to prevent me from ovulating too early, I need to take a shot of Ganirelix each night. I ordered another day worth of meds. My next appointment is on Wednesday, January 19th at 9:30 a.m. Gratefully, later in the morning. We'll see where we are at that point. Maybe Wednesday will be better - I'm definitely parking in the garage.
P.S. - The kicker is that DH didn't feel well today so he called in sick to work. He didn't even need the garage!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Ultrasound #2
Yesterday, was ultrasound #2. At the same time, I didn't know what to expect and also new EXACTLY what to expect. It was the same drive, the same waiting room, same blood draw, same pee-in-the-cup, same ultrasound room, same nurse, and same machine and fun, ultrasound wand that I've been dealing with for about 4 years. I know the drill. However, since my last ultrasound of only 11 follicles and taking 5 days of Femera, I wasn't sure what my insides would display.
As Sheryl lubed up the wand and started taking pictures of my right ovary, she was nodding her head and smiling. A good sign and way better than the head shaking back and forth of last time. Apparently, my right ovary had kicked it into high gear over the last 9 days and grew 9 more follicles for a total of 12 (sizes 4-9mm)! The left ovary mysteriously lost one follicle for a total of 7 (sizes 5-10mm). Grand total: 19 follicles to start! I can't complain. It's not the rock star 23 follicles of July's IVF, but not bad. Good job ovaries! A solid B+ for you.
Again, I didn't see the doctor. She was somewhere in the building, but would look over my results sometime during the day to determine my dosage of Menopur. Why would she actually need to see me?! July's IVF started me with 2 vials of Menopur (M2). After that failure, the doc suggested, in hindsight, that I should have started out with M4 or M3. Sheryl called me later in the day to confirm my dosage of Menopur as M4. That's 4 vials per day for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Yikes! The doc isn't messing around this time.
The drive home was not much fun. Freezing rain began about 50 miles from home. My defroster is not the best so gradually, a nice layer of ice formed on the windshield and I couldn't see through it very well. Then, my windshield wiper broke on the passenger side. I made it home in one piece, but not before I biffed it in the garage, scraping up my elbow and ankle. Sheesh.
I knew doing this in January weather would suck. I go back to the clinic on Monday and Wednesday. Both days are calling for snow and/or freezing rain or sleet. And what's even better is that Monday is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. A noble and great holiday for those that actually get the day off. My job is not one of those. However, the doc's office IS closed and so only the doc and Sheryl will be there to do the ultrasound for IVF patients like me. The lab is closed so no blood draw. Therefore, I have to go in at 7:30 a.m. That means leaving my house at 5:30 a.m. And that is if the weather is good!
As Sheryl lubed up the wand and started taking pictures of my right ovary, she was nodding her head and smiling. A good sign and way better than the head shaking back and forth of last time. Apparently, my right ovary had kicked it into high gear over the last 9 days and grew 9 more follicles for a total of 12 (sizes 4-9mm)! The left ovary mysteriously lost one follicle for a total of 7 (sizes 5-10mm). Grand total: 19 follicles to start! I can't complain. It's not the rock star 23 follicles of July's IVF, but not bad. Good job ovaries! A solid B+ for you.
Again, I didn't see the doctor. She was somewhere in the building, but would look over my results sometime during the day to determine my dosage of Menopur. Why would she actually need to see me?! July's IVF started me with 2 vials of Menopur (M2). After that failure, the doc suggested, in hindsight, that I should have started out with M4 or M3. Sheryl called me later in the day to confirm my dosage of Menopur as M4. That's 4 vials per day for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Yikes! The doc isn't messing around this time.
The drive home was not much fun. Freezing rain began about 50 miles from home. My defroster is not the best so gradually, a nice layer of ice formed on the windshield and I couldn't see through it very well. Then, my windshield wiper broke on the passenger side. I made it home in one piece, but not before I biffed it in the garage, scraping up my elbow and ankle. Sheesh.
I knew doing this in January weather would suck. I go back to the clinic on Monday and Wednesday. Both days are calling for snow and/or freezing rain or sleet. And what's even better is that Monday is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. A noble and great holiday for those that actually get the day off. My job is not one of those. However, the doc's office IS closed and so only the doc and Sheryl will be there to do the ultrasound for IVF patients like me. The lab is closed so no blood draw. Therefore, I have to go in at 7:30 a.m. That means leaving my house at 5:30 a.m. And that is if the weather is good!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Kickoff
On Wednesday, January 5th, I had my base ultrasound appointment for my second IVF. This cycle has finally kicked off after an agonizing 6 month wait! The weather was great, and I had the whole day off of work. I did the 2 hour drive, checked in at the front desk 15 minutes early, went to the bathroom and got called back to ultrasound as soon as I got out. No waiting for once! I have one more day of birth control pills to take at this point so it's very early in the cyle. Per usual, my RE is nowhere to be found, but the nurse, Sheryl, did the ultrasound and started shaking her head as she checked out my right ovary. Only 3 follicles. She moved on to the left ovary. After counting them up, there were 8 on the left side. She said that was one less than last time. But I don't think that was accurate. Yes, at retreival, I had 12 eggs, but at my second ultrasound I had something like 23 follicles to start out with! Am I starting this IVF with half as many as last time, really?! Ugh. I should bring this up at my next appointment. The biggest follicle measured at 3mm. Sheryl than proceeded to use the "quality over quantity" bit. yeah, yeah, yeah. yada, yada, yada. My next appointment is on Friday, the 14th. We'll see what we're dealing with at that time after a week of Femara. Are women able to "grow follicles" in a week? I didn't think so. Maybe there were some that were hiding and didn't get counted. Maybe there were some that were too small to detect. I don't know, but all of those optomistic and unlikely possibilities are floating through my head.
In any event, meds were ordered and delivered. I spent a pretty penny, but the nice thing is that now the meds "count" towards my insurance deductible. The other wonderful thing that has happened is that a wonderful woman in Kansas donated some of her unopened Menopur to me via my friend Rebecca. This woman had twin boys through IVF in September. She had 2 boxes of Menopur leftover. That is 10 vials! I'm not sure how much I will be using for my protocol, but it could be up to 4 vials a day. I'll find out on Friday. But the value of those 2 boxes could be upwards $700 to $1,000! I am so incredibly grateful for this. She very easily could have sold it and made some of her money back, but instead has helped me. I am without words at her generosity.
Now that the cycle has kicked off, the waiting game begins. Waiting to start taking this drug or that drug. Waiting for my next appointment. Waiting to see if I have more follicles than I think I do. Waiting to see if we get to retrieval. Waiting to see if we get any embryos to transfer this time. And if we can pass that hurdle, is there a possibility that I will ever be pregnant? Time will tell.
In any event, meds were ordered and delivered. I spent a pretty penny, but the nice thing is that now the meds "count" towards my insurance deductible. The other wonderful thing that has happened is that a wonderful woman in Kansas donated some of her unopened Menopur to me via my friend Rebecca. This woman had twin boys through IVF in September. She had 2 boxes of Menopur leftover. That is 10 vials! I'm not sure how much I will be using for my protocol, but it could be up to 4 vials a day. I'll find out on Friday. But the value of those 2 boxes could be upwards $700 to $1,000! I am so incredibly grateful for this. She very easily could have sold it and made some of her money back, but instead has helped me. I am without words at her generosity.
Now that the cycle has kicked off, the waiting game begins. Waiting to start taking this drug or that drug. Waiting for my next appointment. Waiting to see if I have more follicles than I think I do. Waiting to see if we get to retrieval. Waiting to see if we get any embryos to transfer this time. And if we can pass that hurdle, is there a possibility that I will ever be pregnant? Time will tell.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Adoption Story
I don't want to be overly negative and I don't want to jinx my second IVF by talking about what our next steps will be if it doesn't work this time, but the question has to be asked: what if this doesn't work (again)? What will we do? Will we try donor insemination? Will we try adoption? Would we consider embryo donation (now that I know that it exists!)? Will we do IVF and other such infertility treatments until we have to sell our house and move in with our parents or until at least until my uterus decides to shrivel up and die? We've mostly avoided those types of questions. We have been in the camp of "crossing that bridge when we get there". That philosophy is good, in theory, but doesn't lend itself very well to trying to plan out every detail of my life.
Adoption has been an idea that my husband wouldn't even consider when we started this infertility journey. His reasons are the typical reasons why people avoid adoption, but mostly it boils down to the fact that a child of adoption would lack his/our genetic DNA. I still don't think he's all that open to it, but he did tell me a story that makes me think that if and/or when we get to that adoption bridge, he may be willing to cross it.
DH works with the public on a daily basis. He is the guy you see before you see the eye doctor. The one that tells you to look into the machine and tell him if the little red balloon on the highway is clearer now, or now. How about now? Anyway, like most in the medical profession, he sees all walks of life in that doctor's office. He told me about a family that came in for eye exams and glasses. The family is from Nowheresville, Nebraska, and the father looks like it. A large, tall white man with a big beard. He screams either "farmer joe" and/or "red-neck". He and his wife have been married for many years. About 16 years ago, after not being able to have children of their own and being considered "infertile", the couple adopted two little girls. The two girls, now about 15 years old and in high school, regard each other as 'sisters' in the doctor's office. The kicker is that one of the girls is of Asian descent (maybe Chinese) and the other sister is of African descent and is very black. The Asian sister was joking about how flat her nose was (just 2 nostrils in the middle of her face, really) and that she just had to get contacts because glasses would slide right off of her face! Regardless, she wants her 'sister' to help pick them out, but not her 'dad' because he doesn't know anything!
So, even though these sisters are as physically opposite to each other as they are to their parents, DH noticed how much of a family they were. They laughed, and joked, and loved each other like any other family. They have a family history. It didn't matter that they didn't share any DNA. After meeting this family, my husband said that maybe adoption wouldn't be so bad after all - that is, if we do find ourselves on that path...
Adoption has been an idea that my husband wouldn't even consider when we started this infertility journey. His reasons are the typical reasons why people avoid adoption, but mostly it boils down to the fact that a child of adoption would lack his/our genetic DNA. I still don't think he's all that open to it, but he did tell me a story that makes me think that if and/or when we get to that adoption bridge, he may be willing to cross it.
DH works with the public on a daily basis. He is the guy you see before you see the eye doctor. The one that tells you to look into the machine and tell him if the little red balloon on the highway is clearer now, or now. How about now? Anyway, like most in the medical profession, he sees all walks of life in that doctor's office. He told me about a family that came in for eye exams and glasses. The family is from Nowheresville, Nebraska, and the father looks like it. A large, tall white man with a big beard. He screams either "farmer joe" and/or "red-neck". He and his wife have been married for many years. About 16 years ago, after not being able to have children of their own and being considered "infertile", the couple adopted two little girls. The two girls, now about 15 years old and in high school, regard each other as 'sisters' in the doctor's office. The kicker is that one of the girls is of Asian descent (maybe Chinese) and the other sister is of African descent and is very black. The Asian sister was joking about how flat her nose was (just 2 nostrils in the middle of her face, really) and that she just had to get contacts because glasses would slide right off of her face! Regardless, she wants her 'sister' to help pick them out, but not her 'dad' because he doesn't know anything!
So, even though these sisters are as physically opposite to each other as they are to their parents, DH noticed how much of a family they were. They laughed, and joked, and loved each other like any other family. They have a family history. It didn't matter that they didn't share any DNA. After meeting this family, my husband said that maybe adoption wouldn't be so bad after all - that is, if we do find ourselves on that path...
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