Lamb or Lion?

What do they say about the weather in March?  In like a lion, and out like a lamb?  Or vice versa.  In like a lamb, and out like a lion?  I'm not sure which one is more accurate for my situation, but I started out the month peeing on a stick, waiting for a positive sign of ovulation, and not pregnant.  And I've ended the month peeing on a stick, waiting for a positive sign of pregnancy, and...I actually am pregnant!  I've waited a very long time to say that and to see and/or post a picture like this:

I was SO convinced that this cycle of donor insemination would not work.  I didn't allow myself to think it would work.  I didn't blog about it and I didn't talk about it with anyone except my mother (and husband, of course).  I was already planning on my next cycle and next vial purchase and counting the days to my next potential ovulation date.  On my work vacation in Las Vegas, I brought my usual stash of pads and tampons in preparation for aunt flo and one lonely digital test.  And lo and behold, for the first time in literally 20 years, I did not get my period and did not need my arsenal of personal hygiene products.

We had been in Vegas for one night. I wanted to be able to drink during my workation, so I decided to take the test a day early on St. Patrick's day.  I had to pee at about 6 am, so I figured I might as well get this over with.  I peed, tested, and barely got my pants up before the 'Pregnant' popped up on the digital. I guess my plan of having drinks over the next few days was not meant to be.  Happy St. Patrick's Day to us! 

I walked out of the bathroom in a state of shock, and just stood at the foot of the hotel room bed where my husband half-slept.  "What?!" he said.  I mumbled that "it's Positive!" and then broke down crying.  I still couldn't believe it.  We texted our parents and over the course of the next day or two we talked to a few family and friends - but were majorly hesitant to spread the word too much.

Then, the battery ran out on the digital test by late the next day.  I could no longer pick it up and read it over and over again.  So, two days after the initial test, we stopped at the Walgreens on Las Vegas Boulevard after seeing the fountains at the Bellagio to buy more pregancy tests! It was mildly embarrassing and DH made sure to comment on it as we walked through the aisles and went through the checkout!  So that night, positive picture #2 was born:

DH wanted to watch this one turn positive himself.  And sure enough it did, and quickly!  Because we were out of town, we couldn't get to the doctor for a blood test, so we waited over a week until Monday, 03/25.  That, too, was positive and my progesterone levels were great.  They look for over 15, and my number was 29.  Overachiever!  So, now, I am pregnant.  I am pregnant! I am pregnant!! The 6 week ultrasound is scheduled with my RE for next Thursday, 04/04.

Day 21

It has been 3 weeks!  I've peed on a stick (at work, no less) something like 12 days in a row and spend close to $100 in tests.  I was expecting a positive ovulation prediction of my LH surge on day 12-14, but instead, it didn't happen until day 20, on a Saturday morning!  This is really late and could almost be considered "late ovulation".  I haven't charted or tested my ovulation dates since 2008.  Why would I?  So, I'm not sure if this situation is "normal" for me, or if we picked the wrong cycle to go through this.

I contacted the doctor's office.  My usual RE is out of town.  The backup doc is from San Antonio and knows nothing of me or our situation, but he asked me if I wanted to wait until another cycle to go through with the IUIs because my positive OPK was so late.  Ugh.  No.  I don't want to wait. any. longer.  So what if this is not an optimal cycle?  It probably won't work anyway (pessimistic, I know).  So what if this is a waste of about $2,000?  If we don't do it, and they test my progesterone and I am still considered "normal", I may have wasted yet another cycle.  So, we threw the dice and it's done.

But now I worry.  Maybe this won't work (again) because my eggs are low quality.  Maybe I'm the problem.  Maybe we not only have male factor infertility, but female factor, too.  Maybe my polyps have returned.  Maybe I'm not ovulating on time.  Maybe my lining is not nice and thick without the aid of fertility drugs.  Maybe if I sneeze or poop too hard, this won't work.  I had coffee this morning and am drinking a diet soda now.  Is that bad?

Of course, this all occurs over the weekend that DH is out of town.  So alone I drove eaat 6 a.m. today (Day 21) and alone I waited and alone I was inseminated with Marky Mark's funky bunch. As a compromise, DH will join me tomorrow (Day 22) as I'm inseminated a second time.  I think it is important that he join me - even though he wouldn't have to.  I want him to feel as much a part of this as I am.  We may not be using his sperm to conceive, but we made this decision together and are in this together.