A 10!

A little bit of good news: After DH being on HCG injections 3X per week for a month, we got the testosterone results back from the lab.  On a scale of 2.0 - 8.0, DH got a 10.0!  A ten!  A small victory, yes, but I take what I can get these days.  So often on this journey the medical personnel tell you that one thing should happen and then another actually does.  This time, what they told us was true.  The HCG is lifting his testosterone numbers!

DH will continue the shots indefinitely, but at the end of 3 months (mid-August), he will have another testosterone check and a semen analysis.  If the elevated testosterone does it's job, his little swimmers will be in tip-top form or at the very least - improved.  At that point, we will re-evaluate our course of action.  Either trying on our own (which success seems highly unlikely), IUI (which we've also done unsuccessfully 9 times, but 'might' work this time, but we've heard that one before), or IVF (have to see if the funds are there).  We just have to wait and see what the doctor recommends. 

Another Year

My 31st birthday has come and gone.  It was a good day and a good week even.  I have nothing bad to say about it.  My birthday week consisted of too much food, a party disguised as a BBQ rather than a birthday party, and even a brand new electric fondue pot compliments of my hubby!  But as this day comes around each year, I can't help but think about how "old" I am.  I know in my mind that 31 is technically not old and I don't necessarily feel old, but why is it that there are some women my age that have two, three, or more children already?  Why do I feel the need to compare and compete?  With each passing year, I can't help but wonder about how many fertile years I have left?  We can't be in this infertility limbo forever, right?!

Keep it in the family?

I got invited to a baby shower for my sister-in-law. An older lady that she knows really, really wanted to have a shower for her even though this is my SIL's third kid. So not only is the gathering for a baby shower (a social landmine), but the shower is 2 hours away for a 3rd kid in which I have to spend the entire car ride with my mother-in-law (MIL) where I drove both ways. Also, MIL and I will be the only ones where English is our first language (my SIL is Mexican American). I'm a glutton for punishment.

On the car ride there, the conversation between my MIL and I drifted to the latest medical tests and forays into infertility treatments, most of which now involve her son rather than me.

Mother-in-law (MIL): You could always use M's sperm (DH's brother, my brother-in-law).

Me: Um, I don't think DH or I would be comfortable with that.

MIL: Well, at least the baby would still be kept in the family.

Me: No. I think it would be too weird. For us, and for M. The baby would be ours, but would also be DH's niece or nephew. Definitely, weird.

Topic dropped. She means well. But, seriously? Even if we adopted a baby that had no genetic connection to any of us, wouldn't the baby still be part of the family? Seriously.

Then, MIL and I were the first to arrive at the shower so we made small talk with our hostess. Of course, the only thing to talk about at a baby shower is children and grandchildren. And how I don't have either. And how I have been married for almost 7 years, with no kids. And how I really do like kids, I just don't have any. And how MIL decides to share that we're "going to a doctor" to help us get pregnant. I couldn't believe MIL started spilling the beans about our "problem" to a complete and utter stranger. And then as if I didn't feel inadequate enough, she goes on and on about how she has 8 grandchildren that live no where near her so DH and I better produce a grandchild so she can have one near her. Also, out of the almost 8 grandkids, only 2 are girls. So, if we do ever get pregnant, we better have a girl.

Sheesh.

God love her, but I couldn't drive home fast enough.