I got invited to a baby shower for my sister-in-law. An older lady that she knows really, really wanted to have a shower for her even though this is my SIL's third kid. So not only is the gathering for a baby shower (a social landmine), but the shower is 2 hours away for a 3rd kid in which I have to spend the entire car ride with my mother-in-law (MIL) where I drove both ways. Also, MIL and I will be the only ones where English is our first language (my SIL is Mexican American). I'm a glutton for punishment.
On the car ride there, the conversation between my MIL and I drifted to the latest medical tests and forays into infertility treatments, most of which now involve her son rather than me.
Mother-in-law (MIL): You could always use M's sperm (DH's brother, my brother-in-law).
Me: Um, I don't think DH or I would be comfortable with that.
MIL: Well, at least the baby would still be kept in the family.
Me: No. I think it would be too weird. For us, and for M. The baby would be ours, but would also be DH's niece or nephew. Definitely, weird.
Topic dropped. She means well. But, seriously? Even if we adopted a baby that had no genetic connection to any of us, wouldn't the baby still be part of the family? Seriously.
Then, MIL and I were the first to arrive at the shower so we made small talk with our hostess. Of course, the only thing to talk about at a baby shower is children and grandchildren. And how I don't have either. And how I have been married for almost 7 years, with no kids. And how I really do like kids, I just don't have any. And how MIL decides to share that we're "going to a doctor" to help us get pregnant. I couldn't believe MIL started spilling the beans about our "problem" to a complete and utter stranger. And then as if I didn't feel inadequate enough, she goes on and on about how she has 8 grandchildren that live no where near her so DH and I better produce a grandchild so she can have one near her. Also, out of the almost 8 grandkids, only 2 are girls. So, if we do ever get pregnant, we better have a girl.
Sheesh.
God love her, but I couldn't drive home fast enough.
Wow...you my friend have more patience than anyone I know, I would have ripped into her! People are so incredibly insensitive and rude sometimes. I'm sorry this was how you spent your day, you deserve a freaking award for putting up with all that bullshit!
ReplyDeleteYou are brave. I don't know if I would have gone. Sorry about your MIL's comments. That really sucks.
ReplyDeleteYou are a trooper! My own mom has made suggestions about sperm donors and I'm pretty sure I've told her numerous times now that I am not comfortable with that. I constantly have to remind myself that people who haven't been through infertility do not understand. In the meantime I am tempted to remind them that sometimes its better when they say nothing at all. :) Praying for you, friend!
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