I know I've been a little neglectful of this blog. There are a couple of reasons for this.
1.) there hasn't been any infertility related news to report. We hit our 5th year anniversary of infertility - which isn't really a celebratory occasion. And, well, my life has been more or less boring - busy, but boring.
2.) there have been umpteen babies that have been born in the last couple of months and I'm 'babied' out. They are all cute babies and the parents are all lucky and proud. Baby outfits have been purchased and delivered. Announcements cover our refrigerator door. And I'm happy for all of them. But yeah, it doesn't make my life any easier.
3.) And lastly, I am pretty much sick to death of infertility and I don't really want to talk about it anymore. Sorry to be a downer, but if I don't really want to talk about it, I'm sure no one really wants to hear about it either.
So, that brings us to today. Everything that we've been through this year (particularly DH) has still basically boiled down to IVF as the only way to go to have a biological child. I know there are a LOT of other ways to have a child, but we still aren't prepared for those alternatives yet. We're stubborn and haven't quite given up hope yet, even though there have been plenty of moments when I feel like giving up on the whole damn thing. That being said, the plan is that we will make our last IVF attempt #3 with our new RE in January.
With the start of my December cycle, I started the BCPs again today. We have an appointment the last week in December to freeze some of DH's spunk (as back up - in case of emergency, I guess!) and for me to have an HSG. With my history of polyps, I wouldn't be surprised if I have one that has grown back. That would delay us another month or two, so I'm not getting too amped up about the IVF cycle happening in January until after that appointment.
It's weird though. In the past, I would get all jittery and excited and hopeful about a new cycle. But with all the disappointment we've had, I just don't feel it yet. And I'm trying hard not to get hopeful and excited. I don't know how well that is working for me though, because here I am - blogging about it. I still don't want to talk about it openly to other people because it probably won't work. The odds are not in our favor. The more people that know about the cycle, the worse I feel when it doesn't work. The more sympathy that I get from others, the more I feel sorry for myself. And that's the worst. It would be nice to be able to go through the whole cycle without telling a soul. I really just want to be normal and I really just want to be able to have a baby like a normal person. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, it is.
We told pretty much no one about this cycle, IVF3 for us. My parents, sister and 2 friends. Yes, that's a 'few' but compared to everyone, it's a lot less. It's actually been okay. A bit stressful in other ways (keeping it from people) but its helped decrease thinking about it constantly bc insist have people asking all the time. When they ask 'where we are' I just say we are doing us and not talking about it with others right now. Some smile and understand, others I've a sideways Hirt glance.
ReplyDeleteYou have to do you! I hope third times a charm :)
Completely understand not wanting to tell others, I've thought about that if we attempt again in the future. You know I'm hear if you do or don't want to unload about it. Thinking of you guys as you gear up for this next round.
ReplyDelete