Again, there is nothing much to report in infertility land. I have submitted an appeal with my insurance company to try to get them to apply the provider discounting to my claims above and beyond my annual infertility limit. This effort may be in vain, but at least I'm trying. If they (or my doctor) decide to actually apply the network discounting, we may try to do donor sperm IUI this year, upon finally speaking with the doctor. If not (which is most probable), we will most likely wait for 2013 before doing anymore medical interventions, when our infertility limit starts over for the year. At that point, I still don't know if we'll do IVF again. I hesitate because if another round of IVF doesn't work, we'll be in the same predicament we are right now. Rinse and Repeat. I've suggested we start the process for adoption in the meantime, but DH is not quite on board with that option. I dread having to do more medical stuff, but we gotta do what we gotta do, I guess. So, as of right now, we are doing absolutely nothing.
My trip to Arizona to visit my brother's family and to take care of their 7 month old daughter was great. My little niece is adorable (and don't take my word for it - just see her picture!) and a very good baby - so easy to take care of (in general). She's on the move, army crawling all over the place, putting anything and everything in her mouth that she shouldn't, and getting plenty of pool-time! I only teared up a couple of times when my thoughts wandered too far into our hopeless situation. But otherwise, it was wonderful to spend time with her and my sister-in-law. Still, I was grateful to get home to my self-absorbed life with my dogs and DH.While on vacation in AZ, I got an email that the girl I hired as an intern about 5 years ago and now works closely with my department is pregnant. Not only that, but with twins! She's only 9 weeks along and is telling people - I just pray that it doesn't backfire for her. She is already showing, though. I don't know her situation first hand, but I would put money on it that it was the result of infertility treatment of some sort. Of course, infertility being what it is, we just don't talk about it. I find myself avoiding seeing her at work or talking about her pregnancy. Again, I'm struggling with conflicting emotions of happiness for her and sadness for me.
As a way to rebel against the fates that have left me childless, I bought a cute car bumper sticker/magnet in the Denver Airport. It is in the shape of a paw print and says, "My kids BARK". Funny, right?! There - I'm making everyone think I'm childless by choice. Maybe if I put that out there enough, I'll start to accept it for myself.
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