Because of our means of pregnancy, we'll get another ultrasound at 9 weeks with our RE. If all is well, I will "graduate" to my local OB and get a third ultrasound at 12 weeks. One of the perks of infertility: multiple ultrasounds of baby! It almost makes up for all of the vaginal ultrasounds during treatments!
When one is in the throes of infertility, the end game is a pregnancy or at least a child to love. The end justifies the means - whether that's adoption, IUI, IVF, or through the use of donors - to name a few. Often, however, everyone (at least the fertiles of the world and even me) forget what the ramifications of infertility is once a child has come into the picture. There is an impact on the parents, the child, and the child's world. Fertiles would have me believe that once I have my kid, infertility is a problem of the past. No one needs to know the difficulties we had to overcome to have this child, do they?
Unfortunately, I know that infertility will always be with me, one way or another. In particular, my current pregnant state is definitely not the end of our story. It will not be a secret that we used a donor to bring our child into this world. The choice to use a donor was a difficult one. It is one that we both continue to struggle with - in particular for my husband. As any man would, he really wants to pass down his genetic charms. And with this pregnacy, it proved that I am able to get pregnant and that most of our infertility struggles truly were male factor. He has said more than once that this is a bittersweet time for him. He is so happy that we are pregnant, but so sad that it couldn't be with his sperm.
We are choosing that we will be up front with our child regarding their biological heritage. It is not a disgrace, but I believe, a pregnancy by the grace of God. However, this honesty about biology is like walking a tight rope. I want my future child to feel comfortable with his/her scenario and to know that it is completly "normal" for us and for him/her. But, I also don't want to emphasize the genetics as to hurt my husband's feelings. Then, if my child talks about it during the course of their upbringing, certain others would need to know, too. Like doctors and teachers and friends.
But even before this child is born, do we mention biology in the course of our pregnancy announcements and talks? Of course, we will with our doctors and medical personnel, but do we talk about it with anyone and everyone? How up front should we be? How up front do we have to be? Some know we went through infertility treatments, others do not. Even less know that we chose the donor route - mostly just close friends and relatives. Even in the midst of extreme happiness at being pregnant, these are the questions that are constantly on our mind as we approach making this whole thing public.
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