Adoption Story

I don't want to be overly negative and I don't want to jinx my second IVF by talking about what our next steps will be if it doesn't work this time, but the question has to be asked: what if this doesn't work (again)?  What will we do?  Will we try donor insemination?  Will we try adoption?  Would we consider embryo donation (now that I know that it exists!)?   Will we do IVF and other such infertility treatments until we have to sell our house and move in with our parents or until at least until my uterus decides to shrivel up and die?   We've mostly avoided those types of questions.  We have been in the camp of "crossing that bridge when we get there". That philosophy is good, in theory, but doesn't lend itself very well to trying to plan out every detail of my life.

Adoption has been an idea that my husband wouldn't even consider when we started this infertility journey.  His reasons are the typical reasons why people avoid adoption, but mostly it boils down to the fact that a child of adoption would lack his/our genetic DNA.  I still don't think he's all that open to it, but he did tell me a story that makes me think that if and/or when we get to that adoption bridge, he may be willing to cross it.

DH works with the public on a daily basis.  He is the guy you see before you see the eye doctor.  The one that tells you to look into the machine and tell him if the little red balloon on the highway is clearer now, or now.  How about now?  Anyway, like most in the medical profession, he sees all walks of life in that doctor's office.  He told me about a family that came in for eye exams and glasses.  The family is from Nowheresville, Nebraska, and the father looks like it.  A large, tall white man with a big beard.  He screams either "farmer joe" and/or "red-neck".  He and his wife have been married for many years.  About 16 years ago, after not being able to have children of their own and being considered "infertile", the couple adopted two little girls.  The two girls, now about 15 years old and in high school, regard each other as 'sisters' in the doctor's office.   The kicker is that one of the girls is of Asian descent (maybe Chinese) and the other sister is of African descent and is very black.  The Asian sister was joking about how flat her nose was (just 2 nostrils in the middle of her face, really) and that she just had to get contacts because glasses would slide right off of her face!  Regardless, she wants her 'sister' to help pick them out, but not her 'dad' because he doesn't know anything! 

So, even though these sisters are as physically opposite to each other as they are to their parents, DH noticed how much of a family they were.  They laughed, and joked, and loved each other like any other family.  They have a family history.  It didn't matter that they didn't share any DNA.  After meeting this family, my husband said that maybe adoption wouldn't be so bad after all - that is, if we do find ourselves on that path...